Friday, 9 September 2011

An Explosive Workout

You guys won't believe what just happened the other night. Even I'm having trouble taking it all in because it just sounds so surreal. Well I gave that special girl (who we'll now call Becky, just for easier reference without giving away her real name) a lift home and she even promised not to tell anyone, which can only confirm that there might be something special going on her side of the relationship.


Well, something even greater happened. I was at the gym, as I usually am for around 3-4 times a week, keeping my body solid and thick. I had just finished my final set of bench presses when I sat up and had a casual glance around the room just to see if anyone I knew was around. And across the gym, by some kind of miraculous coincidence, I see Becky running along on a treadmill in the cardio section. Astonished, I smiled and held my eye contact with her just to show I was still thinking about her. She gave me a funny look but then ignored me and continued to furiously punish a punching bag while I continued to go finish do a few sets of squats at a different rack.

Coincidentally enough, we both finished our workouts at the same time, so we were exiting the gym together. I went over to chat with her, but she maybe didn't hear me. It looked like she was in a rush from how she was walking so fast, which was obviously because she (like me) wanted to get home to catch the latest episode of Breaking Bad, which I must say is a fine show. As I took my first few steps outside, I started to realise how chilly it was (it's still winter) but luckily for me I still have my ski mask, which I bought at a health convention where I learnt that a large percentage of heat escapes from your head, left in my bag. I slap that on to keep my head warm and then I notice that Becky is walking home alone, and it's pretty late at night. Now I was raised as a good Christian, so I know that I should protect her so I decide to follow behind her and make sure she doesn't run into any of the bad personalities that have been appearing in the area according to the news.

I keep a short distance back just so I can get a good view in case people try to sneak around her. I could tell that even she was afraid of the hoodlums in the neighbourhood because she kept looking behind her shoulder and walking faster. We continued for a few blocks until I see a bunch of dark skinned people hanging out in a gang. Now I'm not a racist, naturally I think all people are fundamentally good, but the negros in my community have a reputation on the news for causing trouble, so I decide to hide in the bushes to make sure they don't spot me, and so I'll have the surprise advantage, which I learned from Sun Tzu's Art of War. Whilst in the bushes I accidentally trip over a root and my hand smashes into a glass pane without shattering it, but still letting out a large clanging sound. I hear Becky scream at the top of her lungs. She was in danger! In the space of a single thought, I manage to tell myself that this is it! This is the moment where I can defend her and show her how much of a man I am.

I leapt furiously out of the bushes and ran to her. I didn't see any of those guys so they probably ran off, scared of a combination of 2 years of body building and Muai Thai (the martial art that Moses used to defeat the Egyptian empire) launching towards them. I grabbed Becky's arm just to make sure she was safe. She turned around and gave me this arousing, fiery and passionate stare into my eyes. She then kneed me in the balls as hard as she could. How did she know I liked it rough?! I picked her up and dropped down on top of her on a grass patch beside the road. She scratched at my face. It was like she knew exactly what I wanted, just like in my dreams. I just couldn't fathom that she honestly wanted to do it right here, out on the street right now. Needless to say, I unzipped my pants and she cried tears of joy the whole time. Unfortunately, I had to get home to at least record Breaking Bad so I had to disappear quickly, but I know I will eventually find the time to come see her again.

I've been reading books on women and I learned that teaching them to do things is as easy as it was in The Big Bang Theory, where Sheldon rewards the girl character every time she does something good like a dog. So I was thinking back on my reader's advice where one person said to give her a gift that will make her happy. Naturally, I'll pick the best comment here with the best suggestion for a present and post the results when I find out!

21 comments:

  1. This post just made my bloody day.

    Thank you so much for these tears of laughter :D

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  2. POST OF THE YEAR

    Damnit, following you at the speed of light!

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  3. Suggestion for a present: A pretty cool red rose with a ribbon and a little letter.

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  4. Amazing love this kind of thing. Definitely made my day

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  5. GREAT Blog loving it Im well Im reading this religiously... idea for a pressent a 13 inch dildo based of a cased of Christopher Lloyds penis

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  6. Love this blog post! A really interesting read! Followed!

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  7. Ahhh, young love. "Bluuue mooon... I saw you standing alooooone". lol, congrats, buddy.

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  8. Best music to listen to while you work out: Disturbed

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  9. i am so confused right now :P sounds like a good event.

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  10. I wish I had as much luck with the ladies as you do.

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  11. hahah nice story :)

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  12. Best thing I've read all week. Dont really need to elaborate on that.

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  13. LMFAO hahahahahahahahahahaaha good man good

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